


Nino Is Done

by Interrobanng



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Identity Reveal, Love Confessions, Multi-Shot, Oblivious Adrien, Pillow Fights, Plagg is also done, Slow Burn, Tag Suggestions Welcome, adrien is excited, but also each chapter works as a stand alone, nino is done, season 2 and season 3 references, vaguely inspired by new episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-09-15 03:17:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Interrobanng/pseuds/Interrobanng
Summary: New Summary: Adrien is oblivious, Marinette is overwhelmed, Alya is chillin' and Nino. Is. DONE....Old Summary: Nino and Adrien have a brief conversation about Marinette's alleged crush.(references to season 3 leaks)





	1. pillow fight

Nino liked to think of himself as a level headed, go with the flow, keepin’ it chill kinda dude. It took a lot to push him over the edge and he always snapped back to his usual cheery self before too long. Patience was one of his better qualities. Unfortunately, this attitude occasionally caused him to be slightly less careful with his words than he ought to have been.

He was over at Adrien’s house playing video games and everything was going well. They were talking about the latest goings on amongst their friends and classmates and eventually, in the natural course of things, the conversation meandered towards Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

And Nino, lulled into a false sense of complacency by exploding mushrooms and a belly full of healthy gourmet snacks, said:

“I’m so glad I didn’t take your advice that day at the zoo. It would have been super awkward what with her massive crush and everything.”

And that was his bad. He shouldn’t have said that. He’d promised Alya and Marinette that he was cool, that he could keep a secret, and then he’d gone and basically spilled the beans which was so _not_ cool.

But then Adrien said:

“Yeah. I wouldn’t want to compete with Chat Noir either.”

And it was a good thing Nino was such a chill, patient dude, because not only did Adrien say something so utterly ridiculous, but he _smirked_ while he said it. He smirked like the goddamn canary who ate the goddamn puddy-tat. Adrien smirked like he was pleased with himself, like he’d pulled off the greatest heist in history and gotten away clean as a whistle, and Nino couldn’t for the life of him see why.

It was with a great amount of tact and suave that Nino asked:

“What the fuck are you talking about dude?”

“Marinette has a crush on Chat Noir.” Adrien explained confidently without taking his eyes off the game.

Nino, on the other hand, stared at his friend as if he’d just sprouted a tail and a pair of cat ears.

“What?” Nino couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew Adrien was slow to pick up on this stuff, but come _on._ How obtuse could someone be?! “No she doesn’t!”

“Trust me, Nino.” Adrien chuckled. “She does.”

Nino shook his head disbelievingly. “And how the hell did you even arrive at this extraordinary conclusion, may I ask?”

“She told me.” Adrien replied blandly as he hit a few buttons and won the game. “Another round? Or do you want to play something else?”

“Nuh-uh.” Nino shook his head. “Bullshit. There is no way Marinette told you she has a crush on Chat Noir. You’re making that up.”

“Why would I make something like that up?”

“So you’re telling me that if I call Marinette right now and ask her if she told you that she has a crush on Chat Noir, she’ll say yes?”

“I’m not a liar.” Adrien pouted.

Nino’s eye twitched and he reached for his phone. “Calling her now.”

“No! Wait!” Adrien lunged for the phone just as Nino tapped on Marinette’s contact information. Nino froze and raised his eyebrows as Adrien began to sweat. “Uh…okay, she didn’t actually _tell_ me, but it’s still totally true.”

Nino shook his head again. “You’re seriously telling me you think the person Marinette has a crush on is _Chat Noir?”_

“Of course.” Adrien said nervously, leaning back when he was certain Nino wouldn’t try dialing Marinette again.

She _had_ said it. She just hadn’t said it to _Adrien._

“Who else could it be?” He added.

Nino’s left eye began twitching with greater frequency.

“Other than Chat Noir? Seriously dude? You can’t think of _any_ other contenders?”

“Not really.”

“No one comes to mind? Maybe someone she spends a lot of time with? Gets all nervous and jumpy when he’s around? Blushes and smiles a lot?”

“You mean Luka? I’m pretty sure they’re just friends.”

Now both of Nino’s eyes were twitching and his nostrils were flaring like nobody’s business.

“Dude.”

“What?”

“ _Dude_.”

“Nino, seriously, what?”

“Dude. You saw the pictures in her room.”

“Oh, that.” Adrien laughed. “That’s totally normal, Nino. She’s a huge fan of my dad’s work. Everyone knows that.”

“She kissed you at the picnic.”

“On the cheek! And that was just her way of saying thank you.”

Okay, Adrien was still in denial. That was pretty standard behavior for him. But…

“But _Chat Noir,_ dude? Where did you even get that from? When have you ever even seen them interact?”

“Uh…” Adrien scrambled for an example that wouldn’t raise any suspicions. “Why wouldn’t she have a crush on Chat Noir? He saves her life a bunch, so that’s one thing. And she’s always really impressed with his stunts, you can tell by the face she makes. And she helps him sometimes with…uh…stuff. And…yeah. It’s just kind of obvious when you think about it.”

“But when have you actually _seen_ them together?”

“Well, everyone heard about what happened when Nathaniel got akumatized, right? And then there was Marinette’s birthday party.”

“Okay. But that’s two times and I’m pretty sure _I’ve_ interacted with Chat Noir more than that.” Nino pointed out.

"Okay, well...what about that thing the other day? When her dad was akumatized? You heard about that, right?"

"I guess, but didn't Ladybug save her then?"

Adrien shrugged, clearly uncomfortable.

Nino felt bad. He thought maybe he was pushing his best friend to confront a reality he wasn’t ready to confront yet, so he tried to give them both a way out.

“Look, what does it matter? Besides, for all we know Marinette doesn’t have a crush on anyone.”

“No.” Adrien frowned, his tone serious and insistent. As if it was important to him that Nino believed him. As if Adrien needed it to be true. “She has a crush on Chat Noir.”

And that was the moment when Nino, sweet, patient, take-it-easy-and-go-with-the-flow Nino, finally lost his chill. His hand fisted around a cushion and his rage was unleashed.

“YOU!”

_Whump_

“ARE SUCH!”

_Whump whump_

“A JERK!”

_Whump whump thump_

“SOMETIMES!”

Adrien yelped and fell off the couch as Nino pummeled him with the cushion.

“Stop it, Nino!” Adrien cried as he threw up his arm in self-defense. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You!” Nino snarled, still attacking. “You act all innocent and naïve and like you don’t know but _we all know_ , Adrien! _Everyone_ knows how Marinette feels! _Jagged Stone_ knows how she feels! For god’s sakes, Adrien, there’s a _reddit page_ about it! And you can deny it as much as you like but I _know_ you’re not as blind as you act!”

“Preach.” Muttered a voice from under the bed, unnoticed by the two humans.

“If you don’t like her you should just tell her that and stop!”

_Whump_

“Dicking!”

_Whump_

“Marinette around!”

_Whump whump_

“Nino! Nino! Wait!” Adrien caught the pillow before Nino could raise it again. He stared up at his friend, his eyes wide and his cheeks rosy. “Are you…are you saying that Marinette… _likes_ me? As in…like… _me_ me?”

“OH MY GOD!”

“Wait, Nino, where are you going?”

“I’m done, Adrien! I’m fucking done!”

“Nino, come back! When you say that Marinette likes me, do you mean that she _like_ likes me or do you mean that she likes me as a friend?”

“What do you think?!” Nino roared as he slammed the door behind him.

Adrien thought about it for a second as Plagg emerged from under the bed and came to sit on the floor next to him.

Eventually, Adrien shrugged.

“I dunno. It makes way more sense for Marinette to have a crush on Chat Noir than on me. Chat Noir’s a superhero. Who _wouldn’t_ have a crush on a superhero?”

 _We’ve still got a long way to go._ Plagg sighed to himself.


	2. pumpernickel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so....I ended up adding a part 2 after all. And I might add more, I dunno, I've had a couple ideas, but I'll probably lose steam. Both these chapters are set in the days following Weredad/Papa Garou

A pale mist wafted through the early morning air as the front gates of the Agreste mansion drew back, allowing the town car to inch forward.

_Scrreeech_

As suddenly as the car’s motion began, it halted. Adrien bounced in his seat as Nathalie tsked with annoyance.

 “Is there some kind of difficulty?” She asked the bodyguard in the driver’s seat.

“Girl.” He grunted, jerking his thumb at the window. Adrien unclipped his seat belt and leaned up to see none other than Marinette Dupain-Cheng, standing directly in front of the vehicle with her feet spread shoulder width apart and her purse clutched in front of her like a shield. He immediately got out of the car, unsure what to make of her unexpected early morning visit or her facial expression. Her jaw was clenched so tight it looked as if she was trying to suck her mouth inside out and she was blushing so hard she resembled a rutabaga.

“Marinette? Is something wro—” 

“ADRIEN!” She interrupted him with a panicked scream. He froze with his foot in the air, half a step around the hood of the car, alarmed at the sudden velocity of her vocalizations. “I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU!”

“O-okay?” He noticed she wasn’t stuttering. Was the volume somehow connected to the lack of stuttering?

“I’VE WANTED TO SAY THIS FOR A LONG TIME!” She continued, and if anything she was getting louder the longer she talked. Adrien was growing concerned for his _very_ good friend. “BUT RECENT EVENTS HAVE INSPIRED ME TO FINALLY DO IT! OKAY! HERE GOES! ARE YOU READY?”

“I'm not sure?”

Marinette closed her eyes and went for it.

“ADRIEN! I LOVE YOU! AS A FRIEND BUT ALSO AS MORE THAN A FRIEND! THERE! I SAID IT!" 

Marinette did not look at all relieved by her admission. Instead, she looked as if she were about to vomit. Or, possibly, pop out of existence like a balloon of nervous energy upon the application of a supremely oblivious pin. She creaked one eye open and peeked at Adrien. He was smiling and shaking his head.

Marinette did not vomit or pop out of existence. Instead, she became increasingly and visibly flummoxed as Adrien came towards her, chuckling fondly and still shaking his head. It was fair to say he was sending mixed signals. 

“Oh Marinette, I get it, I do. I tried the same thing. But it didn’t work for me with Kagami, and it won’t work for you with me. We can’t force feelings to happen.”

 _Huh?_ Marinette’s other eye slowly opened as her brow furrowed in befuddlement. And hurt. She wasn’t entirely sure where this was going, but it sounded like she was in for a good old fashioned heartbreak.

“I’ll be here for you the whole time, whatever you need. Because we’re friends, and you’ve done the same thing for me more times than I can count. You're the best.”

Wait…was he saying nice things about her or breaking her heart? Which was it?

Marinette’s blush had completely faded and had been replaced by the curious, analytical expression she always wore when she was trying to figure out how to use her Lucky Charm.

And then Adrien did the most confusing thing of all.

He finished walking all the way up to her, wrapped his arms around her shoulders, held her close, and whispered in her ear:

“It’s okay, Marinette. I know about you and Chat Noir.”

And all she could say, in a dazed mumble, was:

“You’re the second person who has ever said that to me…and I still have no idea what it means...” 

And when he pulled back and asked her if she wanted a ride to school, she was too stunned to say anything other than:

“No I’ve got mariachi contest.”

Which Adrien didn’t think was at all an unusual thing for Marinette to say. 

(Like most of the things Marinette said when Adrien made her brain go all fuzzy like that, she could neither explain it nor later recall it)

He got back in the car and drove off as Marinette slowly waved after them. Once the car was out of sight she opened her purse and stared down at Tikki.

“What just happened?” Marinette asked.

“I’m going to be very honest with you…” Tikki said. “It’s getting too hard to keep track of your love life and who knows what about who has feelings for which person. You’re on your own, here.”

 

 

***

 

 

Nino had _just_ gotten over his involuntary Adrien-triggered stress twitches a few hours before school started. Then Marinette marched into the locker room during lunch, dragged him and Alya into the corner, told them what happened that morning, and all his self-soothing efforts went to hell in a hand basket.

“He said WHAT?!”

“Shh! Keep your voices down!” Marinette hissed urgently.

“I’ll kill him! Where is he?” Nino swung around, searching the locker room for his absent friend.

“Nino, shut up!” Alya grabbed his arm, glancing nervously at the people staring at them. “Okay, clearly you can’t be mature about this. You stay in here and finish your lunch, and I’ll handle this latest Marinette-Adrien lovers spat.”

“It _wasn’t_ a _spat_.” Marinette rolled her eyes.

“Well, why would he accuse you of cheating on him with Chat Noir then?” Alya asked as she steered Marinette from the locker room.

“First of all, that’s not what happened, and second of all…there _might_ be something I need to tell you about what happened at my house before my dad got akumatized the other day…”

Nino was left alone in the locker room as the other students filed out. He sat on a bench with his lunch bag and pulled out a sandwich his mother had packed him.

“Ugh—camembert on pumpernickel? Why?”

A tiny bundle of black zoomed out of a nearby locker, whiskers twitching.

“If you’re looking for someone to dispose of that camembert for you, Glasses, I’d be more than happy to—uh—I mean…” Plagg stopped mid-air and stared at Nino, who stared back. It was a silent motionless staring free-for-all, no holds barred. “Uh…” Plagg cleared his throat. “I mean…kwami? What kwami? Who said anything about a kwami?”

“You just came out of Adrien’s locker.” Nino’s voice was flat, empty, monotone, emotionless. “You’re a kwami. You’re Adrien’s kwami.”

“You can’t necessarily prove that my being in Adrien’s locker means I belong to Adrien.” Plagg tried to argue. “For your information, I break into a lot of random lockers.” 

“Adrien is Chat Noir.” Nino could not be fooled. 

“Uh, well, see, the thing is, right—”

“Adrien _knows_ Marinette likes him. He’s just disassociating and being weirdly smug about it.” 

“Wow, you are…quick on the uptake.”

“I’m going. To _kill_ him.”

“Okay. I get it. I mean, I don’t agree, but I get it. Now that we’re friends, can I have that cheese?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the other person who said that to marinettte was theo


	3. *glares*

Adrien was used to people watching him, and for that Nino was grateful. A more well-adjusted individual would have noticed his best friend glaring at him in brooding, unblinking silence for an entire week.

But not Adrien Agreste.

_Other_ people were starting to notice. And they were starting to ask questions.

Marinette was the first, and that was only because she spent more time staring at Adrien then everyone else combined. She was bound to notice that she wasn’t the only one burning eye-holes into his hair during geometry. She confronted Nino about his glaring on Day #2, broaching the topic as they took their seats in the cafeteria. Adrien was collecting his lunch from the line and Alya was wrangling with an uncooperative vending machine, so for a brief moment the two of them were more or less alone.

“Um, Nino? I was wondering—I mean—um—i-if—if—I don’t want to presume, but if this is my fault, or because of what I told you the other day—I mean, I don’t want to cause any problems between friends—that is to say, if—”

“Spit it out, Nette.” Nino drawled, leaning on the bench so he could continue glaring at Adrien over her shoulder. Not that _he_ seemed to notice. “I’m a little busy here.”

“Uh…” A fiery blush took up residence in Marinette’s cheeks. “Are…are you mad at Adrien because…because of me?”

Nino carefully considered her question before answering.

Marinette’s fears weren’t _totally_ unfounded. This had all started because Nino wanted Adrien to stop taking Marinette for granted. And the situation had escalated when Adrien’s pig-headedness hurt Marinette’s feelings, and Nino was outraged on her behalf…but…

But now…after everything he’d learned…

“Honestly, Nette?”

“You can always be honest with me, Nino. You know that.” Marinette smiled at him with a secret twinkle in her eye. Nino was too busy glaring at Adrien to notice her fleeting smirk.

“Well…honestly…it’s _so_ much bigger than that now.”

Marinette left that conversation clearly unsatisfied with his answer. Nino expected her to go straight to Alya, so he was somewhat surprised when the next person to ask him if something was wrong was _not_ his girlfriend.

“Nino…are you aware that the amount of class time you spend looking at other students instead of the board has increased 23.7% over the last three days?”

“Max…are you secretly monitoring our biometric data and academic performance in order to train your AI software again?”

“Wha—wha— _what_? Who, _me_? _Moi_? _This_ guy? I would _never_ —the very _idea_ —I’m offended you would even—mind your own business, Lahiffe!”

“Yeah. Right back atcha, bot-boy.”

“…ah. Yes. I see. Carry on then.”

Nino had kept his eyes on Adrien throughout his brief interaction with Max, for all the good it did him. The World’s Most Oblivious Teen Super barely even seemed to notice that class was over, he was too busy curling up in a sun spot on the wide window-sill.

To take a _nap._

In the _sun._

Like a fucking _cat._

Seriously. Was _no one else_ seeing this?!

Nino was immediately aware when Chloe noticed his odd behavior, because Sabrina began following him around the school, like an easily-startled red-headed shadow that less-than-silently judged all his snack choices. He valiantly ignored her disgusted muttering as he enjoyed his nacho cheese-flavored pork rinds. Meanwhile, he kept up his glaring, dedicating all his attention to the task of levelling Adrien with as many hairy eyeballs as possible. With Sabrina on his tail, Nino had to be extra careful not to accidentally blurt out the truth for the entire half-day before Chloe made her move.

“Enough already!” She exploded in the library, slamming her hand against the wall next to his head as he glowered at Adrien from behind a bookshelf. Everyone else in the library glanced around when they heard her furious shout, but not Adrien. He had headphones on and remained blissfully ignorant of the carrying ons.

_Typical._ Nino thought with disgust.

“You’ve been staring at Adrien like he murdered your entire family and you’re plotting your revenge all _week_. Either that or you’ve suddenly developed an all-consuming desire for Adrien’s body _.”_ Chloe spat, her azure eyes burning with curiosity.

“And?” Nino arched an eyebrow, cool as a cucumber. He hadn’t cracked under the pressure of all his secrets yet. He wasn’t about to start cracking now.

“And he hasn’t even _noticed_ which means you haven’t said anything about it to him, and that means you didn’t have a fight…”

Actually, Nino _had_ said something to Adrien. Several things, as a matter of fact. The problem was Adrien had either blatantly ignored or willfully misinterpreted the several things Nino had said.

According to Plagg, this was something Adrien did _a lot._

“So?”

“ _So_ …” Chloe sputtered, her complexion purpling with frustration. “What _gives_ , Nino?!”

“I dunno, Chloe.” Nino shrugged and brushed her off. “Guess it’s just one of those things.”

And then he went right back to glaring at Adrien.

The glaring continued to have zero effect.

 

***

 

_“See you on Monday, class!”_

“Hey, Nino, you wanna come over this weekend?”

_glare_

“I had a shoot scheduled but the photographer had to cancel for a funeral or something, so I’ve got all of Saturday free.”

_glare glare glare_

“We could play Ultimate Mecha Strike. Or whatever, it’s up to you.”

_Glare. Glare. Glare._

“Let’s say, around noon?”

_Very. Obvious. Glaring._

“You’re not saying anything. Does that mean yes?”

_MOST EXTREME POSSIBLE VERSION OF GLARING._

“I’m gonna take your continued silence and concentrated eye contact as a yes. Yes. Cool. See you on Saturday. Ha, y’know, assuming an akuma doesn’t show up and cause a, heh, _cat_ astrophe.”

“OH MY GOD!”

“What? What’s wrong? What did I do? Nino? Where are you going?”

“I’M DONE, ADRIEN! I’M FLIPPIN’ _DONE!”_

“…”

Adrien turned and stared at his classmates as Nino stormed out of the room, muttering under his breath, waving his arms in the air and leaving his bags behind. They all stared back in stunned silence.

“Was it something I said?” Adrien asked the group at large.

“Oh my _god_ Adrien…” It was Alix who answered. She slouched over her desk as if her exasperation was a physical weight pushing her down. “Literally all _anyone_ has talked about for the last _week_ is ‘why’s Nino mad at Adrien.’ Do you…like… _not_ pay attention to your surroundings? Like, at all?”

There was a murmur of agreement from the assembled crowd. Even Madam Bustier nodded along, genuine and heartfelt concern in her kind eyes. Adrien frowned, feeling unfairly maligned. It wasn’t that he was unaware of his surroundings, it was just that he dedicated all his attention to watching out for supervillains. He didn’t have _time_ for silly things like high school gossip.

But he couldn’t explain that without revealing his secret identity, and so he was left defenseless in the face of their collective disapproval.

“Leave him alone.”

Well…not _entirely_ defenseless.

Marinette picked up her bag and marched to Adrien’s side. She glared at their classmates in recrimination as she grabbed Adrien’s arm protectively. “First of all, it’s none of our business.” She snapped. “And second of all, it’s not Adrien’s fault. So _back off.”_

“So you _do_ know what happened!” Chloe shrieked. “I _knew_ it! You said you didn’t, you _liar!”_

“I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was it obviously couldn’t be Adrien’s fault.” Marinette rolled her eyes as a chorus of groans went up around the room.

“With all due respect, Marinette…” Juleka drawled. “I’ll take your opinion on this particular subject with a grain of salt.”

Marinette frowned, her grip on Adrien’s arm tightening slightly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that when it comes to Adrien, your judgment is emotionally compromised.” Max explained calmly. Far too calmly, in Marinette’s opinion, considering he was basically _exposing her as a hopeless love-hungry leech in front of Adrien Agreste himself and oh my god what was she going to do this was so embarrassing—_

“Yeah, _duh._ Cuz we’re _friends.”_

Oh.

Right.

It was Adrien.

Still the same Adrien.

Good ol’ Adrien ‘Social Awareness Is _Not_ My Middle Name’ Agreste.

In a way, it was comforting to know that she could always count on him to be _consistent_ , if nothing else.

“C’mon, Marinette.” Adrien smiled at her as he shouldered his bag and led her out of the classroom. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever, _buddy_ …” She replied flatly, unable to muster any resistance. He was like a swift churning river, and she a bobbing twig caught in his currents.

Once they were gone, Chloe whirled around in her seat and glared across the room at Alya, who had her feet up on the desk and had been idly cleaning her finger nails this entire time.

“Well?” Chloe snapped.

“Well what?” Alya sighed without looking up.

“Aren’t you going to _do_ something about this?!” Chloe demanded fiercely.

“Nah.” Alya shrugged. “I’m just chilling.”

To prove her point, she slowly pulled a box of sun gold raisins out of her pocket and popped a few shriveled fruits into her mouth, grinning at the increasingly infuriated Chloe as she chewed.

 

***

 

Adrien pulled Marinette all the way to the park before she snapped out of her daze and asked where they were going.

“There’s a small food festival set up at the other end. I thought it would be fun to check it out.” Adrien explained cheerfully.

“Oh. You mean…” Marinette blushed. “Just the two of us?”

“Yeah!” Adrien nodded. “That way we can, y’know, talk about stuff we couldn’t talk about with other people hanging around.”

“Uh…” Marinette’s hopes were rising against her will. _Stop that!_ She ordered herself firmly. _Don’t you know better by now?_ “Could you be a little more specific?”

“It’s okay, Marinette, it’s _me.”_ Adrien chuckled as he guided her towards a falafel stand. “I know you’re still getting over Chat Noir. It’s gotta be hard, keeping that pain to yourself all the time. You can talk about it with me, if you want to.”

“Ah. Right. Yes.” Marinette replied flatly, her eyes dull and her brow crooked. “My deep, unyielding, star-crossed passion for Chat Noir. Of course.”

“Wow…” Adrien whispered, staring at her with a faint rosy blush spreading across his nose. “I had no idea you felt that strongly about him. Not that I can blame you. He _is_ pretty great.”

Marinette didn’t have a response for that, so she just gaped at him in stunned silence as he bought a small cardboard box filled with balls of fried chickpeas and drizzled with tahini and yoghurt sauce. Adrien was momentarily distracted by paying the falafel vendor and Marinette took advantage of the opportunity to confer with her associate.

“Tikki!” She hissed, cracking open her purse. “What do I _do_ here?!”

“I don’t know!” Tikki hissed back, sounding every bit as frantic as Marinette felt. “I’m so confused!”

“ _You’re_ confused? No, _I’m_ confused! I’m fucking _baffled_ at this point! I’m so far beyond confused—”

“Falafel?”

Marinette snapped her purse shut and straightened with a startled squeak as Adrien shoved the cardboard box of piping hot chickpea mush under her nose. Her blue eyes darted up to meet his innocently inquiring green orbs and something…

…something _snapped._

Just… _snapped._

Right down deep in the core of her being, something inside Marinette broke in half with a stricken cracking sound.

_Oh my god…_ she thought in horrified wonderment. _It doesn’t matter what I say because he won’t understand it anyway. I can say anything I want. Anything at all. It’s impossible for me to be embarrassed in front of him because no matter how bad it gets he **won’t fricken’ notice.**_

_Oh my god…_ Marinette realized, an awestruck expression dawning on her features. _I’m free._

“Adrien, listen to me very closely. I’m not in love with Chat Noir.”

“That’s the spirit, Marinette. Moving on is the best thing for you.”

“I’m in love with you.”

“Aww, I love you too kiddo.”

“I want to have your babies and a hamster.”

There was a moment, a brief fleeting moment, when Adrien’s face scrunched up and his mouth froze half-open and Marinette thought, or maybe only _hoped,_ that she had _finally_ gotten through to him, but then…

“Oh, I know what you meant.”

“Do you?” She asked skeptically, unable to contain the crooked smile spreading across her face. “Are you _sure_ about that?”

Huh.

This was…new.

She was… _teasing_ Adrien. And _flirting_ with him. And he didn’t _notice_ which kind of…made teasing him…more fun?

_Hmm_ …

“Definitely. Hamster babies _are_ adorable.” He nodded cheerfully. There was no way to tell from the look on his face whether or not his obliviousness was deliberate. Was he doing it on purpose? Or was he truly this innocent?

“ _Your_ babies are adorable.” She flicked his nose and laughed as he blushed. She laughed harder as he scrunched up his reddening face and leaned away from her, swiping his hand across his nose several times like a cat cleaning its face.

“Your _face_ is adorable.” Adrien muttered under his breath, in the cadence of an insult.

If he was hoping she wouldn’t hear him, he hoped in vain.

_“What?!”_

The word was so precisely aligned with Marinette’s own thinking, it was disconcerting to realize that the frustrated shout hadn’t emerged from her own mouth.

Adrien and Marinette turned to find Nino standing behind them, a boysenberry-flavored snow cone dripping down his arm. After storming out of the classroom he had made his way to the food festival, in hopes of finding something that could soothe his frazzled nerves. The artisan snow cone cart had been promising, but now his attempts to relax had been spoiled. Spoiled, once again, by his best friend acting like a twit and messing with his other best friend. But it was also bigger than that, because Adrien was Chat Noir and Nino was Carapace so if Chat Noir was acting like a dick didn’t Carapace have a responsibility to do something about it? But how could he do anything without revealing identities? This was too much for Nino.

He pointed at them, shaking with silent outrage, his jaw working furiously as if he was trying to shout but was too angry to remember to breathe. Adrien and Marinette exchanged worried glances, immediately forgetting their own already-bizarre-and-swiftly-going-off-the-rails conversation in favor of concern for their friend’s wellbeing.

“What’s wrong?” Marinette asked, taking a cautious step towards Nino.

Nino’s jaw snapped shut and his eyes bulged out slightly. He could feel the secrets crowding in his throat, clambering to get out of his mouth and wreak havoc upon the world. He gritted his teeth and choked them down.

“Ask _him_.” He spat, glaring at Adrien with the full force of a thousand suns.

Marinette looked up at Adrien, who shrugged.

“I have no idea what his problem is.” He admitted.

“Have you tried asking him?” Marinette wondered, somewhat amused.

“Of course I’ve tried—see? Nino, what’s wrong?”

“As if you don’t already know.” Nino scoffed, rolling his eyes and swinging his arm in a dramatic flourish, which unfortunately sent his snow cone flying. It landed on the pavement in a pile of purple mush.

“I don’t, though.” Adrien responded, by all appearances honestly.

“It’s true.” Marinette nodded emphatically. “He really, _really_ doesn’t know.”

“Yes he—argh!” Nino’s jaw snapped shut again and he forced himself to take some deep, calming breaths.

Why was this bothering him so much? So Adrien had a secret identity—who didn’t? Practically half the class was superheroes.

So Adrien was a little naïve, so what? He’d known that about Adrien since Day 1. Why was it driving him up the wall _now?_

Now that Marinette was involved…

_But, no…it’s more than that…_

Because if Adrien was this oblivious about everything going on around him…what might Chat Noir be misinterpreting?

“C’mon, Nino. We’re _friends._ Just tell me what’s bothering you, _please_ …”

“I can’t…” Nino sighed. “I don’t know what it is, but…but _something_ about this…” He gestured towards Marinette, who responded by crossing her arms and giving him a _Watch It_ glare. “Something about this situation doesn’t sit right with me.” Nino finished his sentence with a cringe. “I don’t know what it is…but _you’re_ getting something out of this. Out of being in denial, or out of disassociating, or ignoring what’s right in front of you, or—I don’t even know!” He stuck his finger in Adrien’s face. “But I’m gonna figure it out! And when I do…” Nino took a step closer to his friend, his voice dropping to a more threatening octave. “It _better_ not be creepy, dude.”

Three seconds later an akumatized cotton candy vendor turned Nino into a sugar-crazed zombie and he tried to attack Marinette for the cookies he could smell hidden in her purse, so that was the end of the conversation for awhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's my plan for this fic:
> 
> I have a loose idea for how a plot could kinda come together. The main thing is for Nino to be the avatar of my frustration, so how the story goes kinda depends on the episodes. I'm gonna try to write the chapters so that each could work as a stand alone, (though that didn't really apply for this chapter, cuz I was trying to set the stage for some of my ideas). 
> 
> I'm not sure if/when I'll add more (but I suspect Done!Nino might have a few things to say after Oblivio comes out) but I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. candy crushin it

**_candy crushin it_ **

****

**_***_ **

****

 

“So…like…what do you _do_ all day?”

“You’re looking at it, Glasses.”

Nino took a moment to consider what, precisely, he was looking at.

He was looking at a half-asleep kwami reclining with its head resting on a pillow made of bundled-up cobwebs. Late afternoon sunlight poured through the tall windows, filling the mostly-empty locker room with golden warmth. Adrien was busy with fencing classes, as evidenced by the clangs, thuds, grunts, swears and brusquely barked commands that Nino could hear from the other side of the door. Nino sat on the window sill and stared up at the mashed-potato-clouds as Plagg lounged in the sun beside him, occasionally scratching his belly and burping. Nino was waiting for his best bud to be finished so they could go to his apartment and play video games, and he had decided to wait in the locker room with Plagg.

This had been happening more often lately, the two of them spending time together. Nobody else knew about it, not even Tikki.

Nino didn’t know who Tikki was, but according to Plagg it was very, _very_ important that she didn’t find out about their burgeoning bromance.

Nino _liked_ Plagg. Don’t get him wrong, he liked Wayzz too, but Wayzz could be…how to put this politely…

Wayzz was like Tony Bennett. Plagg was like Mick Jagger.

Y’know. Both cool, but in really different ways. And really _really_ old.

“C’mon, you can’t be lazing around like this _all_ day.” Nino cocked his head curiously. “You’re hiding in Adrien’s bag most of the time, right?”

“Eh…” Plagg shrugged, put his foot behind his ear and licked his bottom with a loud _sluuuuuuuurp_.

Strictly speaking, it wasn’t necessary. He didn’t have the right equipment for feline ball-licking, but he enjoyed the ritual.

_And_ the looks on people’s faces.

Humans were so funny. They all reacted the exact same way. First they would startle and blush when they saw what he was doing, then divert their eyes and politely pretend they hadn’t noticed, then their faces would contort with confusion as they thought about it for a second and realized that _Plagg wasn’t a real cat and did not have fur to clean nor genitals to lick_. Confusion would turn to fleeting panic and then their expression would smooth out as they decided it was far wiser not to ask and that the best thing all around was to carry on as if nothing ever happened.

This was exactly what was going through Nino’s head at this very moment, and Plagg relished every second of it.

“When he’s at school I mostly split my time between his bag and the lockers, sure.” Plagg finished his sentence with a drawl that was equal parts satisfaction and laziness.

“Don’t you get bored?” Nino asked.

“Boredom is _such_ a bourgeois concept.” The kwami sniffed dismissively.

“Oh, right, right…” Nino trailed off, then frowned. “Wait a second…don’t you live in a giant mansion?”

“So?”

“So doesn’t that make you one of the bourgeoisie?”

“Nah, it makes me one of the elites. That’s a step up from the bourgeoisie.”

“I think that’s _haute bourgeoisie_ , actually.” Nino said thoughtfully. “Or maybe not. It’s not like the wealth is really _yours,_ anyway, you just benefit from it. Like a vampire.”

“Kid pays attention to _one_ history lecture about famous intellectuals of the 19th century and now he thinks he’s Karl Flippin’ Marx.” Plagg muttered under his breath. “Hey everybody!” He said in a much louder voice. “This guy thinks he’s Karl Marx! Come see!”

“Shhh!” Nino hissed, glancing nervously over his shoulder at the locker room doors. “What if someone heard you?”

“Then they would know that you think you’re Four-eyed Karl Marx all of a sudden.” Plagg replied, completely unruffled. “Nah, I mean…sure, it gets dull sometimes hanging out in Adrien’s bag all the time, but once you’ve been around as long as I have it’s hard to find something to do that _isn’t_ boring. I’ve already done everything in the entire world a couple hundred times over. Why go to all the trouble of _doing_ something when I can stay home and _remember_ doing it? It’s almost as much fun and much less work.”

“So you really just nap? _All_ the time? You don’t even play games on Adrien’s phone or _nothing?”_

Plagg opened his mouth to answer…then paused.

He blinked.

He looked up at Nino and blinked again.

“What’s wrong?” Nino asked, concerned that he might have inadvertently offended the (extremely dangerous and gleefully amoral) god of destruction.

Plagg blinked a third time and then asked, in a hopeful awestruck whisper:

“There are _games_ on that thing?”

 

***

 

_“Tasty!”_

Mendeleiev’s classroom was _not_ a playground.

Not that anyone would ever mistake it for one.

Chemistry class was a time for serious contemplation of the fundamental elements. It was _not_ a time for goofing off or acting silly or making funny noises. And when her back was turned and she was writing on the board, you had _better_ be paying attention because Mendeleiev had eyes in the back of her head and she would _know_ if you got distracted.

_“Divine!”_

“Alright, that’s it!” Mendeleiev spun around, dropping her chalk on the desk and glaring at the students. “Which one of you is—”

_“Tasty! Tasty!”_

“—playing that—”

_“Juicy!”_

“—RIDICULOUS GAME!” Mendeleiev roared, coming out from behind the desk and stalking towards Nino and Adrien’s table, following the tiny glitzy noises to their source. The boys gulped, their eyes automatically flicking down towards Adrien’s book bag. Luckily, Adrien was too distracted by his own misgivings to notice Nino’s keen interest and foreknowledge.

It had been a mistake to help Plagg download Candy Crush onto Adrien’s phone.

Nino realized that now.

Actually, he’d realized it the second Adrien showed up to school that morning, looking uncharacteristically haggard and drained.

_“What happened to you?” Nino had asked as they walked to class._

_“Didn’t get much sleep last night.” Adrien had shrugged._

_“Are you sure that’s it?” Nino had inquired doubtfully as they entered the classroom, knowing full well that Adrien had a lot more on his plate than he let on. “No offense dude, but you look more worn out than a chewed up piece of old bubblegum.”_

_“ **Please** don’t say bubblegum.” Adrien had groaned as he sank into his usual seat and face-planted on the table._

So, technically, that was when Nino first realized he had made a terrible mistake.

_“Sodalicious!”_

But this was the moment when he became fully aware of the pandora’s box he had unintentionally opened.

Because Plagg.

Wouldn’t.

Stop.

Playing.

Candy Crush.

_And_ he refused to turn the sound off. Nino hadn’t gotten an opportunity to speak with Plagg privately yet, but there was a suspicious looking bite mark on Adrien’s left hand that hinted at what might happen if anyone tried to take the phone away from the obsessed kwami.

And he was going to get them all caught. Chat Noir, outed by Mademoiselle Mendeleiev right here in the middle of chemistry class—and sure, Nino and Plagg hadn’t been hanging out for very long, but Nino felt like he knew Plagg well enough to know that when the chips were down…Plagg would absolutely, without question, throw Nino _directly_ under the bus.

If Chat Noir went down…Plagg would take Nino down with him.

So Nino had a choice.

In those few, brief seconds between Mendeleiev leaving her desk and arriving at theirs, Nino whipped out his phone and opened the devious game as fast as he could.

If he was going to be run over by the bus anyway…he’d rather throw himself than let Plagg push him.

Sure enough, as soon as Mendeleiev stood in front of them her sharp eyes narrowed in on the slim rectangle in Nino’s hand.

“Mr. Lahiffe, are you responsible for all these obnoxious disturbances?!” She demanded.

“Sorry ma—” He tried to apologize but she snatched the phone out of his hand before he could finish speaking.

“We’ll have no more of _that_.” She snapped. “You may collect your phone _after_ school has ended, do you understand me?”

“Wait! That’s not fair!” Adrien shouted, erupting from his seat and startling everyone. “It’s not his fault!”

“This is getting _good_.” Nino heard someone (probably Alya) mutter behind them.

Nino could have _strangled_ Adrien.

Here he was, trying to be a good bro, trying to help Adrien protect his secret identity, and the dumbass couldn’t let it go. He just _had_ to be the good guy, didn’t he?

“Playing silly games on your phone is an inappropriate use of class time.” Mendeleiev replied dismissively as she turned back to the chalk board. “Return to your seat, Mr. Agreste. This is not up for debate.”

“But—”

“Do _not_ argue with me, Mr. Agreste!”

“I’m _not_ arguing with you—”

_“Honey!”_

A petrified hush fell over the room and everyone froze, even Adrien, even Mendeleiev.

_It’s over._ Nino thought despairingly. _Oh man, it’s totally over. Finished. We’re **done**. _Everyone’s attention had already been directed towards them. It was obvious the word had come from Adrien’s general vicinity. Sure, _Nino_ knew the culprit was the kwami obsessively popping virtual bubblegum inside Adrien’s bag, but to everyone else it certainly seemed as if Adrien had just…

“ _What_ did you just call me?”

Mendeleiev’s voice cut like a knife, swift and sharp through the still air.

Adrien went white as a sheet. And he wasn’t the only one. As he turned his head and looked around the room, Nino could see that Ivan looked terrified, Rose was clutching onto Juleka’s arm and trembling, and Nathaniel had decided to get straight to the point and had already hidden under his lab table, clutching his own bag protectively to his chest.

For one dizzying second, Nino wondered if some of his classmates were _also_ privy to Adrien’s secret…but then he remembered that 9 times out of 10 when a fight broke out in school it resulted in a supervillain.

_Jeez._ Nino thought. _Akumas are the least of our worries now._

“I—I—I—” Adrien stuttered.

“I asked you a question, Mr. Ag— _Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng, get back in your seat this instant.”_

Marinette froze with her foot in mid-air, every fiber of her being screaming at her to go and shield the (oblivious, ridiculous, nonsensical) boy she loved from the wrath of the snapping turtle teacher.

But also, Mendeleiev was _scary_ when she glared at you like that. Even Ladybug was a little intimidated. But she wouldn’t allow any harm to befall Adrien, so Marinette decided not to return to her seat. She merely remained frozen, with one foot in the air, until Mendeleiev’s gaze turned away. As soon as the teacher looked away, Marinette began to creep closer to Adrien.

“Mr. Agreste, what do you have to say for your— _Miss Dupain Cheng what did I **just** say?!”_

Marinette froze again, this time with her left hand planted on her own lab table and her right foot stretched out far enough that her toes brushed Adrien’s book bag as it lay on the floor underneath the table in front of her. Her torso was stretched out at an awkward angle and her face turned red with exertion as she smiled innocently at the teacher.

“I’m not doing anything?” She tried.

Mendeleiev’s face began to turn purple, but luckily she was distracted by another student’s wrongdoing.

“Alya Cesaire, why on _earth_ is your phone out? Haven’t you heard anything I’ve said about inappropriate use of class time?!”

“I want to record this for the school blog!” Alya defended herself cheerfully. “It’ll be like a blooper reel.”

“Har har.” Marinette muttered, still frozen in her extremely awkward position.

“No! Wait! I’ve got it!” Adrien suddenly yelped, startling everyone once again. They all turned to stare at him and he nodded fervently. “Yup. Yup. So, here’s the story, right? Here’s what happened. Hacked. I’ve been hacked. My phone, that is to say. It plays Candy Crush all the time now. Can’t turn it off. Can’t make it stop. So it was my phone that said honey, not me. In my bag, you see. So, right, that’s it.”

Even _Sabrina_ felt unconvinced.

“That’s it?” Mendeleiev asked skeptically with an arched brow.

(Meanwhile, Marinette took advantage of their teacher’s distraction to crouch down and creep forward a few more steps until she was directly inbetween Adrien and the potential-akuma victim)

“Yup.” Adrien nodded again. “That’s the story morning glory, don’t wear it out.”

Mendeleiev wasn’t buying it.

“Show me.”

Adrien gulped and grabbed his bag up from the floor, crossing his arms over it defensively.

“I don’t think—”

_“Juicy!”_

“—that’s a good idea.” Adrien finished with a facial expression that clearly implied his sincere wish to immediately evaporate.

Nino was choking on his own guilt but he had to do something. Anything! Anything that might get them out of this jam!

Also— _why wouldn’t Plagg just knock it off already?!_

Nino should have known better than to help anyone over the age of 200 with The Newfangled Internet Tubes. Their ancient brains simply couldn’t handle the flood of stimuli. And now poor Plagg was a slave to the machine, trapped in a bubblegum prison of virtual iridescence.

“If you show me your phone I might be able to help.” Max offered from the other side of the room. Their classmates nodded along with a murmur of general agreement that this was an excellent idea.

Only Adrien and Nino knew why it wasn’t.

“Uh—thanks, Max, but—uh—you see—there’s a very good reason for why that can’t happen which I am going to explain if you would be so kind as to—”

“That’s enough of this nonsense!” Mendeleiev had finally cracked. “Give me that bag this instant!” Her hand lashed out and Adrien flinched away, too startled to dodge. Nino yelped and lunged to stop her, but he was only halfway out of his chair when Marinette struck. She sprang up from her hiding spot at Adrien’s ankles and blocked Mendeleiev’s hand with her torso, spreading her arms out like a shield.

“Marinette, I told you to stay in your seat!”

“With all due respect, ma’am, you can’t unilaterally search a student’s bag!” Marinette barked, her jaw firmly and stubbornly set.

“She’s right, ma’am!” Alya chimed in. “It’s in the school handbook!”

“No, but I _can_ confiscate items that are causing a distraction in my classroom, which _that_ —”

_“Bubble rush!”_

“—CERTAINLY IS!” Mendeleiev bellowed, her eyes bulging with fury. “Out of my way!” She tried to elbow Marinette to the side, but Marinette wasn’t budging and she was _surprisingly_ strong for a girl of her stature. Nino yelped as Alya shouted that she was still filming and that the school board _would_ be hearing about this while Adrien glanced around for an escape route.

He chose the least probable route available.

“Chloe!” He shouted. “Catch!”

And then he lifted his bag high above all their heads and chucked it with all his strength at the blonde sitting across the room.

_Why?!_ Nino couldn’t help but think as he watched the bag soar through the air.

(he would later learn from watching Alya’s recording that he had also vocalized the question with a strangled squawking, but he had no memory of shouting)

Chloe, startled, reflexively jumped up and caught the bag. She stared at it for a second, then looked up at Adrien.

“What am I supposed to do with it?” She asked.

“I don’t know!” Adrien shouted as he clung desperately to Mendeleiev’s lab coat to keep her from grabbing the bag away from Chloe. Marinette decided to help and jumped onto their teacher’s back, clinging to her shoulders. Mendeleiev growled as she tried to shake them off. “Think of something quick!”

Chloe looked at the bag, looked up at Adrien, glanced around the room, shrugged…and threw Adrien’s bag out the open window.

_“Bubble_ _ruuuu_ _uuuush…”_

For the second time in the last five minutes, a petrified hush fell over the room as everyone froze in their places—Marinette and Adrien practically wrestling Mendeleiev to the ground, Nino standing over them with his arms outstretched and his jaw hanging open, Alya leaning all the way across her lab table as she craned to get the perfect angle with her phone, and the rest of the class in some form of emergency crash position.

“Well.” Chloe announced as she brushed off her hands. “That solves that.”

 

***

 

Nino waited nervously for Adrien to arrive at school the next day. When he finally showed up, Adrien looked tense but well-rested.

“Hey dude.” Nino greeted his best friend. “I’ve been texting you all night. You alright?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Adrien nodded grimly. “I had to get rid of my phone.”

“Oh…” Nino winced.

“Actually, I had to get rid of _all_ the phones.”

“Oh…” Nino felt guilty, but maybe a nice cat meme would help Adrien feel better. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Hey, I saw something funny earlier, wanted to show you—”

_SMACK_

Adrien slapped the phone out of Nino’s hand, his green eyes blown wide with panic. Nino gaped at him as Adrien furiously stomped on the phone until it was cracked and shattered beyond all repair. Eventually Nino snapped out of it and grabbed Adrien’s shoulders, dragging him away from the tangled mess of tech on the pavement.

“Dude, dude, chill, you killed it. It’s dead now. It’s okay.” Nino soothed him.

Adrien’s breathing was heavy but the panic in his eyes faded and was replaced with guilt. “I’m sorry Nino. It’s just…I have to limit his access…I can’t explain anymore but I…I can’t risk it…”

“…it’s okay. I kinda deserve it.” Nino muttered.

“Huh?”

“Never mind. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, no problem. I'm really good at that.”

"Yeah. I know, buddy, I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this update!
> 
> Some chapters are gonna be like this, teasing out silly little plot bunnies, and some chapters will be episode-based (I have to ruminate further as to whether or not Done!Nino has a reaction to Animaestro). 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. animomfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER WARNING: This chapter is inspired by Animaestro and references events from the episode.

**_animomfriend_ **

****

_***_

Glaring had failed. The next logical step was patient observation.

Plagg was still harassing Nino to reconnect him with the diabolical phone candies, so Nino opted to watch Adrien’s fencing class from the stairs instead of keeping the kwami company in the locker room. This gave him an excellent vantage point from which to observe Kagami’s arrival.

Nino wasn’t sure why Kagami came all the way to their public school for fencing when she attended a private institution on the other side of the city that was world renowned for its athletic department.

Nino wasn’t _sure_ why Kagami came all this way…

“Kagami!”

…but he had a hunch.

Nino’s heart sank into his stomach as Adrien spotted the red-clad figure standing in the doorway and ran over to her, practically floating a few inches above the ground in his excitement. It was clear to everyone in ear-shot how happy Adrien was to see Kagami, and everyone could tell from Kagami’s shy smile and faint blush that the sentiment was mutual.

_Oh, Adrien…_ Nino thought glumly as his friend hugged Kagami in welcome and ushered her towards the practice area. _What on earth are you thinking?_

To be honest…Nino wasn’t sure how Adrien felt about Kagami either. But he was beginning to suspect the worst.

…

Not that he had a clear idea of what ‘the worst’ would actually _entail,_ not when magic and villains and ancient gods and reality-altering wishes were in the mix…but _still._ Whatever ‘the worst’ actually was, that’s what Nino suspected.

 

_Meanwhile…_

_“I’m so glad you’re finally here, Kagami!” Adrien gushed, a golden bundle of bubbly energy. “You won’t **believe** what Dad did yesterday!”_

_“Alright, alright.” Kagami smiled fondly at him. “Let me put my stuff away and then you’ll have my undivided attention.”_

“What about Marinette, huh?” Nino muttered as he watched Adrien walk Kagami to the locker room and wait for her outside the doors, bouncing on his heels as if even those few seconds of separation were hard to bare.

Nino briefly considered throwing something at Adrien, but Kagami reemerged before he could find a handy projectile. He sighed miserably as he watched them join the group, faces close together as Adrien chatted amicably into Kagami’s ear.

Technically it wasn’t any of Nino’s business if Adrien had a crush on Kagami. She was smart and strong and pretty. Most importantly, she could relate to Adrien’s bizarre home life in a way none of his other friends could—not even Chloe, who knew more about it than anyone (including Adrien because—well—he was _Adrien_. Nuff said.). When Nino thought about it like that, it kind of made sense.

…

Actually…it made a _lot_ of sense…

…

…maybe it made even more sense than…

_No! No! Don’t even think it!_ Nino shook his head furiously. _Team DupGreste all the way!_ Eyes filling with shame and stomach flooding with anxiety, Nino mentally wailed. _Forgive me, Marinette! It was a moment of weakness! I’ll never doubt you again!_

(this was a lie, but Nino didn’t know that yet)

 

_Meanwhile…_

_“You know your dad loves you, right?” Kagami murmured as they waited for the teacher to explain that days training regime._

_“I know.” Adrien replied glumly. “But he never shows it. I’m not asking for much, only **one** dinner a week!”_

_Kagami chewed her lip nervously. “Do you…do you want me to try talking to him?”_

_“Would you?” Adrien’s eyes sparkled._

_“Well…he probably won’t listen to me, but I can get my mother to say something about the importance of quality family time and see if that has any effect.”_

_“Thanks Kagami!” Adrien threw his arms around her as she blushed. “You’re the best!”_

“No, no, no, no, _no!”_ Nino groaned, banging his forehead against the railing as the embrace ended. “Adrien, what are you _doing_ you _fool?!”_

Why couldn’t Adrien see what was so blatantly obvious to _literally_ everyone else in the _entire_ world? That he and Marinette were _made_ for each other, meant to be, fated and destined, as inevitable as the rising sun? Adrien _knew_ Marinette liked him and Nino _knew_ that Adrien liked Marinette, so what the hell was his problem?!

“Are you sure about that, Glasses?”

Nino screamed and jumped, knocking his head on the metal railing in the process. After the initial shock wore off, he was less surprised than he should have been to find Plagg hovering beside him with a cheeky grin.

“What are you doing here?”

“Got bored.” Plagg shrugged. “So what makes you so certain ol’ Oblivious-Boy over there has the hots for Miss Mari?”

“How did you know I was thinking about that? Wait…” Nino squinted at the kwami suspiciously. “You can’t read my thoughts, can you?”

“Yep.”

_“Really?!”_

“Nah, calm down. You were muttering under your breath when I snuck up on you. Relax, your weird hormonal fantasies are safe.”

“I don’t have—”

“Spare me. Just because I can’t read your thoughts _now_ doesn’t mean I haven’t had the dubious honor of possessing human mind reading powers in the past. If it makes you feel any better, you’re all equally disgusting.”

“…fine. What makes you so certain Adrien _doesn’t_ like Marinette?”

“Oh, he _definitely_ likes her.” Plagg laughed. _“Trust_ me on that. But he’s clueless, so I doubt anything will come of it anytime soon. I still want to know what makes _you_ so sure.” He zipped through the air to peer curiously into Nino’s eyes.

“First of all, Adrien known Marinette likes him and he does _nothing_ to discourage her.”

“It’s hard to say what Adrien is and isn’t consciously aware of.” Plagg pointed out. “You never know with that guy. He’s a complex individual.”

“True enough. Okay, second reason, he goes out of his way to spend time with her.”

“Going out of his way is the _only way_ Adrien gets to spend time with _anyone._ What else you got?”

“He’s always going on and on about how talented she is.”

“Maybe he’s a huge fan of fashion designers.”

“He made her a gift for her birthday.”

“He put some beads on a string. It took a grand total of 13 seconds. Next?”

“He chose to sit next to her that day we changed the seating arrangement in class.”

“Hardly definitive evidence seeing as how the alternative was Lila.”

“He danced with her at Chloe’s party.”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me. I was squished in his jeans’ pocket the whole time. That’s like, right where the action happens.”

“Stop talking.”

“I mean, I was pressed right up against the whole genital region the whole fucking time and it started off fine but then _your girlfriend_ came along and—”

“ _Please_ stop talking.”

 

_Meanwhile…_

_“Hey Kagami! Look at this cool bug I found!”_

_“Adrien, I’m kind of in the middle of—”_

_“Look, it’s got spots and every—oh no, I squished it.” Sniff. “I’m sorry Bug Friend! It was an accident!”_

_Sigh. “Go wash your hands, Adrien.”_

_Sniff sniff. “Okay…Kagami?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Will you say a few words to memorialize Bug Friend?”_

_“…”_

_“Pleeeeeeeze?”_

_“…Bug Friend was a good bug. And a good friend. With many spots. And—uh—they shall be missed. As it is written…uh…as say all of us. So be it. The end.”_

_Sniff. “Thanks Kagami. That was beautiful.”_

_“Uh-huh. Now go wash your hands.”_

“You think Adrien likes Marinette too!” Nino growled in frustration. “You said so yourself not three minutes ago!”

“Yeah, but I’ve got the inside scoop.” Plagg winked. “I know what lurks _behind the mask_ as it were.”

“Whatever dude.” Nino rolled his eyes. “So then what’s the deal with Kagami?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Plagg shrugged.

_“Don’t worry about it?”_  Nino repeated incredulously. “How can I not? Chloe’s going around screaming her head off about an arranged marriage—which sounds absurd until I remember _oh right Gabriel Agreste—_ and ever since the movie premiere Marinette has been walking around with a facial expression like someone died. Meanwhile, Super Chat-anova down there is skipping through life with his head in the clouds. If he likes Marinette, then what’s he doing with Kagami? Is he winding her up for the fun of it?”

“Don’t worry about Kagami. She’s a strong girl with a good head on her shoulders. She’ll be fine.”

“But does she know how he feels about Marinette?”

“She’s got a pretty good idea, yeah. More importantly, she knows how he feels about Kagami.”

“Does _Adrien_ know how he feels about Kagami?”

Plagg blinked at Nino and burst into maniacal cackling, clutching his belly as he bobbed through the air.

_“Does Adrien know how he feels?_ That’s a good one—oh, that’s _classic_ —that’s why I like you, Glasses. You’re always good for a laugh.”

Nino noticed that fencing practice was ending and stood up. “I’m gonna say something to them.”

This only made Plagg laugh harder.

“What are you going to say exactly?”

“I don’t know—I’ll think of something by the time I get down there.”

“Yeah.” Plagg snorted. “Good luck with that.”

Halfway down the stairs, Nino realized he still hadn’t come up with anything to say and that maybe being wished ‘good luck’ by a metaphysical manifestation of _bad_ luck wasn’t actually _good_ luck. Suddenly more nervous, he slowed his pace from a determined stride to more of an anxious penguin waddle. He slowed his pace so much that by the time he reached the bottom of the stairs Adrien was already bidding Kagami farewell by the entrance. Nino swore and dashed across the massive courtyard. He wasn’t going to make it in time!

“Have you got all your things?” Kagami asked Adrien.

“Yup.”

“And you remembered your homework?”

“Uh-huh.”

_Nino was almost there. Just a few more yards…_

“Good. See you next week, Adrien.”

“Okay.” Adrien hugged her one last time before heading out the door. “Bye Mom!”

…

Nino froze directly behind Kagami, his hand still outstretched to rip his friend off of her in a most abrupt and disapproving fashion. Kagami and Nino both stared in stony silence at the back of Adrien’s head as he vanished down the steps and was whisked away by his town car.

Nino suddenly knew what he was going to say.

“I’m so sorry.” He murmured gently, resting a compassionate hand on Kagami’s shoulder.

Kagami sighed and pulled a small spiral-bound notebook out of her shoulder bag. There was a short pencil attached to the binding by a string. Kagami flipped the notebook open to the middle and made a firm mark.

“What’s that?” Nino asked.

“It’s a record of all the times he’s called me mom without noticing.” Kagami explained.

“Can I see?”

She handed him the notebook and Nino began to count the neatly aligned tally marks.

It took a couple minutes.

“ _287?!_ He’s called you mom _287 times_ and he _still_ hasn’t noticed he’s doing it?!”

“Indeed. You are his best friend, right?”

“I think so?”

“Do you think Adrien is…like… _okay?_ Generally speaking?”

“I’m starting to wonder, Kagami. Indeed I am beginning to _wonder._ I am starting to ask an immense multitude of questions in a similar vein. I mean, I am beginning to seriously question everything I thought I knew about the universe and everything I hold dear has been called into question. I mean to say, enough is enough! It’s time for some answers or I’m _done!_ Y’hear me Kagami?!”

“Yes, I can hear you. Why are you shouting?”

“Because I’m _DONE!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record: I like Kagami, so please don't bash her in the comments. I've been kinda thinking that Adrien sees her as a maternal figure ever since she tied his laces in Frozer, but we'll have to wait and see if that plays out in the show. But in Done!Nino universe, Kagami is definitely the Mom Friend.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this update! I can't make any promises, but I strongly suspect there will be another episode-based chapter after Oblivio comes out on the 18th. Stay tuned!


	6. memory-shmemory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to Miraculous Ladybug season 3 episode Oblivio

**_memory-shmemory_ **

 

***

 

They were playing video games in Adrien’s room again. And after what happened last time, that should have been Nino’s first clue that something _major_ was about to unfold…

“So…”

Furthermore, Nino should have realized something was up from the way Adrien was smirking. For it was a sly, sneaky kind of smirk, a knowing kind of smirk, a kind of smirk that Adrien Agreste had no business wearing.

“Super Penguino, huh?”

Yup.

Nino should have realized.

“That’s right.” He nodded firmly without taking his eyes off the screen. “Alya and I were playing Super Penguino and then we got akumatized. Why, you wanna make something out of it?”

“Are you _sure_ that’s _all_ you were doing with your girlfriend in the closet?” Adrien’s smirk grew in width and in cockiness. Nino’s disgruntlement increased at the same rate.

“Yes, Adrien.” He snapped. “That’s _all_ we were doing. What about _you,_ huh? What were you up to while Oblivio was on the loose?”

“Oh…uh…” Adrien’s irritatingly knowing smirk vanished instantly. “N-nothing?”

“Nothing? _Really?”_

“I mean hiding!”

_“Reeallly?”_ Nino teased with viscous satisfaction.

“I-I-I mean I don’t remember!” Adrien blurted, his face burning fire-truck red.

But Nino wasn’t going to let him off that easy. Not after all the sleepless nights Adrien had foisted upon him.

“Well, obviously none of us _remember_ what happened—but thank god Alya snapped that pic of Ladybug and Chat Noir smooching hard-core on the roof, right? At least we have some kind of record of what transpired.”

Adrien’s face went from red to purple and a strangled gargle emerged from his mouth.

“I wonder how that came about…” Nino added thoughtfully. “Kinda makes you think…”

“Think what?” Adrien asked eagerly as his blush began to subside. “You don’t have any, I dunno, _clues_ or something, do you?”

“Clues explaining why they kissed?” Nino asked to clarify. Adrien nodded. “No. Why? Do you?”

“No.” Adrien sighed. “And it’s keeping me up at night.”

“Huh.” Nino was suddenly regretting picking this line of conversation. “It’s not really that big a deal, is it?”

“What? Of _course_ it is! They _kissed!_ Chat Noir and Ladybug _kissed.”_

“They’ve kissed before.” Nino pointed out coolly.

“What?! When?”

“Dark Cupid.”

“Oh, that. That doesn’t count because I can’t remember it.”

Nino sighed and killed another zombie. It was a good thing he’d already discovered Chat Noir’s secret identity otherwise Adrien would be in big trouble. He waited for his best bud to realize his mistake.

“I mean that doesn’t count because she only kissed him to break the curse!”

_There we go._

“Maybe that happened again this time.” Nino shrugged. “None of us remember, so we don’t know. Besides…” He gave Adrien an icy side-eye. “What about Marinette?”

“What _about_ Marinette—oh no.” Adrien blanched. “What if Marinette saw the picture? She’ll be _devastated!”_

“…why?” Nino asked, keeping his eyes on the game. He _definitely_ didn’t like where this was going.

“Because Marinette is still in love with Chat Noir!”

“Oh. Right. That.” A dry, rasping chuckle burst from Nino’s lips. “I’d almost forgotten about _that._ ”

“Well, Marinette hasn’t. She doesn’t talk about him much, but I can tell.” Adrien responded primly. “We should do something to take her mind off the picture. Find something to distract her.”

“What?” Nino really, _really_ didn’t like where this was going. “No need, dude, I’m sure she’s fine. Just leave it alone, yeah?”

“No, no. We must do something! Marinette will need her friends during this dire hour!”

“ _What_ dire hour?”

“C’mon, Nino. Help me out here. We need ideas, strategies, suggestions! This is an emergency!”

“It absolutely is _not_ an emergency. Why are you standing up? What’s happening here, what’s going on?” Nino jerked back as Adrien clambered on top of the couch cushions and struck a devastatingly handsome and supremely heroic pose.

“Marinette is going to need someone who will be _there_ for her!” He declared in a triumphant, booming voice that echoed throughout the large room.

Nino glanced over his shoulder, in case an audience had somehow materialized behind him. He caught a momentary glimpse of Plagg peeking out from the bed. The black kwami rolled his eyes and shook his head in a universal gesture for _I can’t even_ before vanishing back into the shadows. Nino turned around to face Adrien.

“Someone like _you_ , maybe?”

Adrien blushed and sat back down, picking up his controller and returning to the game with a nervous clearing of his throat.

“What? No, don’t be silly. Marinette’s just a friend.”

“Yeah. Right. _That_.”

“Besides…she doesn’t see me that way.”

“Uh-huh, I’ve heard your version—I’m sorry. Rewind.” Nino paused the game and turned to face Adrien. “You think Marinette is so in love with Chat Noir that she’s devastated over one measly picture of him kissing Ladybug, right?”

“Right.” Adrien nodded.

“But she sees you as only a friend?”

“Exactly.”

“In love with Chat Noir, platonically affable towards you?”

“That’s about the size and shape of it.”

“Smitten with the kitten, prudent with the student?”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“And you don’t see any problem with that logic?”

Adrien’s brow furrowed momentarily, then smoothed out as clear as day.

“Nope.”

“Right. Of course not.” Nino sighed, unpausing the game.

Several minutes passed.

“…do you think Chat Noir should check on her?”

_“What?!”_ Nino gaped at him for a few seconds. “Why?”

“To make sure she doesn’t get akumatized.”

“…are you, Adrien Agreste, seriously asking me if I think that Chat Noir should visit Marinette to make sure she doesn’t get akumatized over a picture of Ladybug and Chat Noir kissing on the Ladyblog?”

“Well…when you put it like that…”

Nino sighed in relief, glad he had finally gotten through to his best bud and snapped some sense into him.

“It sounds like a _great_ idea.” Adrien finished his sentence with a satisfied gleam in his eyes.

Nino felt like crying.

“Just leave her alone, dude.” He muttered as he tried to focus on the game. “If you’re gonna be this weird about it…just leave her alone.”

“Keep up, Nino, we’re talking about _Chat Noir_ visiting Marinette, not _me._ It’s entirely theoretical.”

Nino gave up on the game and threw his controller at Adrien’s head.

 

***

 

Marinette was busy hand-sewing an embroidered hemorrhoid pillow cover for Adrien’s 91st birthday when she heard the tell tale trit-trot coming from the roof. Tikki rolled her eyes and drifted to her hiding spot under the bed as Marinette put her project aside, both equally resigned to their fates for the evening.

Sure enough, when Marinette opened her skylight and clambered onto her balcony, Chat Noir was waiting for her with a cocky grin.

“Evening, princess. Up for a quick _chat?”_

Ignoring the pun (which didn’t work in French anyway) Marinette crossed her arms and pursed her lips disapprovingly.

“What do _you_ want?” She spat. She could barely face Adrien after the kiss pic, and even running into Luka at the grocery store earlier had left her a nervous wreck. Sure, no one else knew she was the one in the picture everyone was talking about (well, no one else other than Tikki, Plagg, Wayzz and Master Fu, which now that she thought about it was already too many people) but _she_ knew. Chat Noir was the _last_ person she wanted to deal with right now.

If he picked up on the hostility in her tone, it didn’t seem to bother him at all. His grin grew smug as he took a half-step towards her.

“I wanted to check in, make sure you’re not all worked up over that picture on the Ladyblog.”

_A likely story._ Marinette thought, and her doubt must have shown on her face because he stopped moving towards her and held up his palms.

“I’m only here to make sure you don’t get akumatized, I swear.”

Marinette relaxed slightly. Of course she was in no danger, but _he_ didn’t know that.

“It’s fine, Chat, really. _I’m_ fine. I’ve known how you feel about Ladybug from the beginning. _And_ I told you I was happy with us being just friends, remember?”

“Yeah…” Chat bashfully scratched his pointy ears. “But we can’t always control what upsets us, y’know?”

“I’m _not_ upset.”

He raised a skeptical brow. “Uh-huh.”

“I’m not!”

“So you claim.”

“I couldn’t care less about one paltry kiss!”

“Suuuuure.”

_“Chat Noir!”_ Marinette screeched, her entire body engulfed in the flames of a scorching magenta blush. She stomped her foot for good measure.

“What?” He blinked innocently.

“You are being _such_ an asshole right now.”

Chat laughed and leaned against the railing. “But am I being a _distracting_ asshole, that’s the real question.”

“Oohhhh…” Marinette huffed, but despite her best intentions she could already feel her ire ebbing away. “Yes, well, good job, you’re very distracting, now please leave.”

He ignored her request.

“Besides…” Chat sighed and threw back his head to stare up at the light pollution. “That kiss didn’t really _mean_ anything…”

Marinette’s jaw dropped, her anger roaring back to life with added vigor.

“Maybe it didn’t mean anything to _you.”_ She snapped. “But you have no idea how Ladybug feels!”

“I can hazard a guess.” He shrugged. “Right now she’s probably thinking ‘this is a disaster! How could this happen!’ or something like that. She probably thinks I tricked her into it.”

Marinette winced, unable to deny that he was right on the money.

“Well… _did_ you?” She asked quietly.

“Of course not! At least I don’t think so.” He flashed her a weary, self-deprecating smile. “It’s not like I can actually remember what happened. That pic sure looked mutual to _me,_ but she’s upset about it. I can tell.”

Marinette sighed and leaned on the railing next to him.

“If Ladybug _is_ upset— _if,_ mind you, it’s not like I have any special insight into her thought process or anything, ha ha ha—”

“Did you just _say_ ha ha ha?”

“No. Definitely not. How weird would that be? Must have been your imagination. Shut up. My point is, she’s probably more upset about the picture than the actual…y’know…”

“Spit-swapping?”

“I was gonna say physical contact but whatever floats your boat.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would the _picture_ bother her more than the kiss?”

“Because it’s embarrassing!” Marinette groaned. “We—they—I mean _you_ shouldn’t be kissing _at all_ and—”

“Why not?”

“Why _not?!_ Because you’re _co-workers_ , obviously! It’s completely unprofessional! Who _cares_ about _memory_ —I wish it never happened in the first place!”

Mentally, she added: _I mean, Tikki’s been cool about the whole thing but Master Fu can’t stop giggling and Wayzz keeps trying to give me—gag— **tips** and I haven’t run into Plagg yet but he is **never** gonna let me live this down!_

All of a sudden Chat’s face was a few inches away from hers and his eyes were sparkling.

“So you _are_ upset about the kiss pic!” He crowed triumphantly. “I knew it!”

Marinette blinked once.

She blinked twice.

She took a moment to consider the fact that Chat Noir was under the impression that she was in love with _him_ and _not_ Adrien Agreste despite the _mountains_ of evidence to the contrary…

She took another moment to consider the fact that Chat Noir was in love with Ladybug and saw Marinette mostly as a friend but also as a civilian he liked to show off for.

These facts combined led Marinette to the logical conclusion that Chat was pursuing this line of conversation for the sole purpose of stroking his own ego.

Marinette blinked a third time and then gave Chat her sweetest, kindest, most amicable smile.

“I’m going to kill you.”

“I understand but before that could you tell me specifically what—”

“Nope.”

 

***

 

Nino had gone to the recording studio after visiting Adrien and when he was done he spent his last few euros on a gyro and had no money left over for the metro, forcing him to walk home.

Which was the only reason Nino happened to be standing outside the Dupain-Cheng bakery at 10:47 on a school night.

He stopped on the sidewalk to tie his shoe laces, and that was when he heard a familiar voice cry:

“GET OUTTA HERE YOU HUMANOID HAIRBALL!”

Nino barely had time to throw himself into the empty street before none other than Chat Noir came hurtling down from the sky and landed in a heap on the patch of sidewalk Nino had previously occupied.

Nino’s reaction was instantaneous and automatic. Adrenaline flooded his veins and every muscle in his body tensed in anticipation. Of course, after all he’s been through, Nino’s first thought was that he had accidentally stumbled into the middle of an akuma battle. He felt guilty when he realized that the thought _‘holy shit that’s Adrien that just got dumped on the pavement’_ came in second place.

He felt slightly less guilty when Chat Noir laughed and unfurled into a seductive lounge on the sidewalk. The superhero waved at the sky and Nino looked up in time to see a slender arm extend over the top of the bakery rood and hurl Chat’s baton in their direction. Nino yelped and ducked as it flew over his head and landed on the pavement next to him.

Nino fish-mouthed at his disguised best friend as Chat Noir got up and brushed himself off, none the worse for being bodily chucked off the balcony by a surprisingly strong Marinette. Chat retrieved his baton before facing Nino and grinning at him sheepishly.

“Nino, right? Sorry you had to see that. Don’t worry about Marinette, though. She’s gonna be fine.”

Nino’s jaw snapped shut with a click.

“Oh really?” He replied, crossing his legs and arms and tilting his head. He didn’t even bother to get up from the street. Every inch of his being screamed sarcasm. “Because it seems to me like she _was_ fine—a little awkward maybe but _fine_ —until you went and made her—”

He was briefly interrupted by the sound of a window opening up above and a few seconds later a handmade Chat Noir doll bounced off the real deal’s head.

“—REALLY FUCKING ANGRY!” Nino bellowed.

“Trust me.” Chat Noir laughed as he picked up the doll and tucked it into his belt. “She’s gonna be fine.”

“Nope. Mmm-mmm. Nuh-uh.” Nino shook his head as Chat brandished his baton and jumped away. “I do _not_ trust you right now, not at all, no way. That dude is acting _very_ strange, very strange _indeed_ and in my humble opinion nothing good can possibly come of visiting your secret love interest _in costume_ —especially when _not in costume_ is a _perfectly_ viable option—I mean he’s practically _asking_ Hawk Moth to—oh shit car.”

And that was how Nino discovered Marichat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Adrien's Thought Process: I'd much rather Marinette think Chat's a jerk than be stuck moping around her room. Or worse--what if she got akumatized because she was jealous of Ladybug?! Like, seriously, what if Marinette and Ladybug got into a fight?! I WOULD GENUINELY NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THAT SITUATION.
> 
> Plagg's Thought Process: Calm down, kid. Breathe. For cheese' sake just breathe. Sheesh.


End file.
